Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
