eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
