His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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