As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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