You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
