Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
