good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
they need to just BURY HIM!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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