Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
