When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize