it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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