I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
