there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
