I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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