mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
