her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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