i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
