I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
