We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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