question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
time to smoke my breakfast
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
