I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
