I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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