in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize