You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
