Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
