oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
