Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
