i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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