a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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