im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize