so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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