and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
