What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize