It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
