the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
