So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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