Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
