I wish I could teleport
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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