I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
