the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize