i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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