On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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