I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
