Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
