I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
