A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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