I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
