anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
