lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
