i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
