He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
