Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
