Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
