He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
