and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
