anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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