today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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