Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
