i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Vodka?
Forever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
