Your dad touched me again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
