Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
