Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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