Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
