Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
