i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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