I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
