I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my being single is dangerous.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
