Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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