i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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