my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
