There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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