New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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