I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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