The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
