My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize