But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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