I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
