His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
