Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
